


Of Sexy Librarians, Locked Doors, Sandwiches, Gay Bars, and Plant Metaphors

by lesyeuxverts



Category: Star Trek
Genre: M/M, Matchmaking, everyone thinks they need to be doing it, five things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 05:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1253800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesyeuxverts/pseuds/lesyeuxverts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone thinks that Jim and Bones would be happier if they would just do it, already.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Sexy Librarians, Locked Doors, Sandwiches, Gay Bars, and Plant Metaphors

1\. With Nyota's help, Spock is able to persuade the captain that a recreational reading group would be beneficial for crew morale. Kirk insists on calling it the Sexy Librarians Club, but Spock is able to find a regulation prohibiting the use of any sexual terms to describe official shipboard activities.   
  
Furthermore, after Spock tells him that Doctor McCoy has a keen interest in literature and will be taking an active part in the club, Kirk is the first to sign up.  
  
Spock recruits Doctor McCoy by telling him that the captain will be participating and that it is requisite that a senior officer is present to limit the amount of mayhem that Kirk wreaks on the doe-eyed ensigns that will be cooing over Mr. Darcy.   
  
2\. Pavel isn't sure why everyone thinks that he's innocent, but he's _seen_ the gazes that the Captain and Doctor McCoy give each other. It isn't that he's ignorant - sex was invented in Russia, after all, and Pavel knows all about it. Has volunteered to teach Sulu about it, too, but that's another story.   
  
At any rate, he's pretty sure that the captain and the doctor don't have enough time for it, and that's why the captain is always staring and the doctor's always grumpy. It's a matter of moments, really, to hack into the ship's systems and lock the doors when both of them are on the observation deck. He's pretty sure they'll thank him for it, but he doesn't stay around to see the aftermath. That's private, after all, and anyhow, Hikaru had volunteered to show him some orchids.   
  
3\. Once he's pried himself away from the Enterprise's ample nacelles, Scotty manages to program some new sandwich recipes into the food synthesizers. He leaves a note with the codes for Kirk and McCoy - they both seem like men who would appreciate a good sandwich.   
  
4\. There are things that Nyota will admit after a few drinks, and one of them is that Jim Kirk isn't a completely reprehensible human being. He's more than decent when he's in Doctor McCoy's presence, but she's pretty sure - contrary to ship's rumors - that they aren't actually an item. McCoy isn't the sort to tolerate the captain's casual flirting.   
  
She'd helped Spock with the book club, but nothing had happened, apart from seeing the sparks fly when Kirk and McCoy couldn't agree on whether Wickham was just a little wicked or truly reprehensible. It's going to take more than that, she reckons, so when they next had shore leave on a suitable planet, she does a bit of research and then blithely recommends the best gay bar to Kirk, and makes sure that he doesn't realize the nature of the establishment before he takes McCoy there for a drink.   
  
5\. There are plant metaphors - those are easy, because plants are more or less having sex constantly. There are flight metaphors that are easy to slip into conversation, which is also easy because Hikaru's the pilot, after all, and what else is he supposed to talk about?  
  
The unfortunate truth, though, is that the captain's eyes glaze over when Hikaru talks about plants. He pretended to be interested one time, when Hikaru was talking about the velvet petals of the greater Denobian orchid, but he stopped paying attention after Hikaru told him that it was pollinated by a hummingbird.   
  
Captain Kirk's more likely to pay attention to flight metaphors, and will listen to Hikaru talk about shuttles docking and entering landing bays, but that's when Doctor McCoy tunes out, muttering that he's a doctor and not a starship pilot.   
  
0\. Jim raises his glass, clinking it against Bones's, and sighs as he sinks back into his seat. He sloshes back half the drink in one gulp. "It's been a good trip out so far, hasn't it?"   
  
"Damned if some of the crew aren't acting a bit peculiar, though," Bones says. "Yesterday Spock told me something odd about the mating habits of-"  
  
"Well, they wouldn't be my crew if they were normal, would they?"   
  
"There's no denying that."   
  
Jim gives him a look, but Bones just laughs and tops off his glass. "Morale's high, at least."  
  
"As it tends to be when I don't have a hypospray-happy doctor gunning for my neck." Jim rubs the part of his anatomy in question, giving Bones an injured look. As usual, it doesn't work – he's pretty sure that Bones has whipped up a vaccine against the patented James Tiberius Kirk charm.   
  
"That's just your morale, Jim, not the crew's. I'm pretty sure they like to see–"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, stuff it." Jim gripes at Bones, who gripes straight back at him, and neither of them can keep a smile off their face. Later, he'll pull Bones close for a kiss and remind him that space is full of more than just disease and danger, but for now, this is enough.


End file.
